"Fools vent
their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.”
Proverbs 29:11 (NLT)
One of my greatest sins is my anger, my temper. I used to blame it on
being Scots Irish or having a red-headed mother. As the years have passed my
anger has grown. It has cost me relationships, interfered with success in jobs
and made life miserable for those around me. While I have never physically hurt
anyone from it, I have hurt those around me deeply with my words. I do realize
I have written on this before, but I feel it is important to discuss on some
given occasions.
One such occasion recently would be the "melted face" of
Robert E. Lee from the statue in Charlottesville. It was purposefully splashed
across social media by our enemies. I and other Southerners took the
opportunity to "strike back." While it felt good to lash out, it
accomplished very little. Our enemies got the reaction they wanted. I then
wondered how General Lee would have responded to this situation. He probably
would have told us to reflect the love of Jesus and pray for our enemies. Yet
another reason Lee was an infinitely better man and Christian than the author
of this column. And we can look to many of our Confederate ancestors who prayed
for "those people" while engaged in combat with them.
But what of us? The Bible tells us that the tongue is wicked and the
most powerful muscle in the body. Jesus even spoke in the book of Matthew
(5:21-24) that you can murder someone with your anger.
I was recently discussing this matter with my dear friend and fellow
Dragoon, Rob Schwartz. He passed along this article to me. Unfortunately, the
author is unknown.
"If you want to tame your temper, you must resolve to manage it.
You have to quit saying, “I can’t control it!” and realize that you can.
Just like love, anger is a choice. When you get angry, you choose to get angry.
Nobody is forcing you to get angry. People often say things like, “You make me
so mad!” But the truth is that nobody can make you mad without your permission.
Anger is a choice, and you must choose to control it if you want to be a loving
person. You have far more control over your anger than you may want to admit.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you’re at home and you’re in an argument
with somebody in your family. Your voices are raised, and you’re getting
agitated. You’re upset. All of a sudden, the phone rings, and you answer
sweetly, “Hello? Oh, yes! It’s for you, honey!” What happened? You didn’t want
to be embarrassed or have to explain, so you switched your anger off real
quick. Anger is highly controllable! The Bible says in Proverbs 29:11, “Fools
vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back” (NLT). Do you want to be a
foolish person or a wise person? How you respond to a situation is your
responsibility and yours alone. Anger is a choice. The time to decide to manage
your anger is not when your blood pressure is rising, your adrenaline is
shooting into your system, you can feel the flush in your face, and your
muscles start to tense. At that point, you’ve already lost the battle. Instead,
resolve to manage your anger before you go into that meeting or walk through
that front door when you get home. Decide this: “Today, I’m just not going to
get angry. I’m not going to let things get to me.” You manage your anger by
first resolving—deciding in advance—that you’re going to hold it back."
Amen.
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